In an age where connections can make or break opportunities, there’s one fundamental rule that often goes unspoken: respect the boundaries of introductions. This isn’t just about etiquette; it’s a way of honoring the trust your mentors or friends place in you when they introduce you to someone from their network. I know this lesson well, and after careful thought, I’m sharing it because it might just save some of you from unintended mistakes that could harm your relationships.
Trust the Process: Respecting the Connection Chain
Whenever a mentor or friend introduces me to someone—whether they’re a prominent figure or a peer—I make a conscious choice not to ask for their contact details or try to establish any further connection unless the mentor or friend suggests it. This respect for boundaries serves a purpose beyond protocol; it’s about strengthening mutual respect and trust with both my mentor and the person I was introduced to.
For instance, during the Evolve Conference in Abuja last year, my mentor introduced me to several influential people, including some of the keynote speakers. We had great conversations, exchanged warm greetings, and even shared laughs. Despite the connections we formed, I refrained from asking for anyone’s contact information. In fact, even when one of them offered me their business card, I chose not to make contact. Instead, I relied on my mentor to be the bridge if the need arose.
Keeping Trust as the Foundation
There was another occasion earlier this year when I was invited to celebrate Fada Oluoma’s birthday with my mentor. Among the guests was Sowere, known for his controversial eloquence. At the end of the party, my mentor encouraged me to exchange contacts with them. But when I wanted to reach out for a podcast invitation, I still went through my mentor to ask for permission to contact them directly. Even though they were expecting my call, I respected the connection chain.
By handling connections this way, I uphold trust in all directions—between myself, my mentor, and those I’m introduced to. It’s a form of “relationship insurance,” ensuring that all involved parties feel respected and valued.
Missteps to Avoid in Networking
There’s a common, and often misguided, behavior some people adopt: the moment they’re introduced to someone significant, they go behind the back of their mentor or friend, collecting numbers and reaching out independently, often dropping the mentor’s name in an attempt to build instant rapport. In some cases, they may even sideline the mentor entirely if the new contact seems to offer more opportunities. This behavior may seem advantageous in the short term, but it carries real consequences.
Consequences of Overstepping Boundaries
- Loss of Respect and Trust: Mentors or friends who discover this behavior may feel disrespected, especially if complications arise from the new relationship. Often, they won’t voice their disappointment, but the trust may be irreparably damaged.
- Restricted Future Opportunities: Once trust is broken, your mentor or friend may no longer bring you along to meet their network. Future opportunities for introductions may diminish.
- Delayed or Denied Connections: Even if you establish a connection with someone through such introductions, they may still look to the person who introduced you for the “green light” before truly engaging with you.
It’s essential to understand that when someone introduces you, they’re not just sharing a name or a title; they’re offering a piece of their credibility. Those being introduced are often observing how you treat the person who connected you. This can speak volumes about your character and reliability.
A Call for Intentional Living
In everything I do, I choose to live intentionally, understanding that small actions can carry weighty consequences in relationships. Don’t become so driven by opportunity that you overlook the importance of trust and respect. Being too eager or “sharp” can sometimes result in losing sight of what matters most: integrity. Running ahead without caution often leads to unnecessary pitfalls.
I’ve chosen to share this not to judge or preach but to offer a reminder. This lesson may not seem grand, but its impact is profound in maintaining healthy, respectful relationships. I hope you, too, can embrace this approach and navigate your connections with intentionality and respect.